Best. Conspiracy Theory. Ever!

So, I was minding my own business on my way to work yesterday, listening to Rush Limbaugh, when I started hearing this caller suggest that, yes, we need to open more refineries.  This is a notion I agree with (and will be writing more on later), so I turned it up and listened closer.  The caller goes on, however, to say that we don’t need to do any more drilling, shouldn’t open ANWR, etc.  This, as I will explain in my later post that I just mentioned, is stupid.  Fortunately, Rush has more sufferance of fools than I: he patiently asks the caller, “if we don’t drill, where will we get the oil to refine?”  This prompts the general lib claptrap about BIG OIL with which you and I are plenty familiar (never answering the simple logistical question put forth by El Rushbo — they never do), so I begin to tune out. 

But then I hear it.  Rush asks the obvious question: “So you think BIg Oil is pretty much unregulated, they get to do whatever they want, whenever they want to do it?”  What followed was the most random answer I think I have ever heard, and it launched a diatribe that will change my life:  “Well, did you see a trial for John Lennon’s murder?  They own the media.”

Wait a minute.  What?!  Now is where I admit that, alongside being something of a folklore/urban legend buff, I’m also a conspiracy buff.  But somehow, I had never heard Big Oil linked to Lennon’s murder.  But that’s not all.  I’m not going to quote line by line; I highly recommend you read the transcript and just “Imagine” Limbaugh hamming it up, going along with it and feeding the lunacy.  It’s hilarious.

Here’s the gist, though.  Basically, Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon, under orders from Big Oil, hired author Stephen King too off John Lennon, who was the only man capable of turning the masses against the Iraq War.  This Iraq War.  20-odd years after Lennon’s death. 

Damn.  I wish I could plan that far ahead.  I don’t even know with any certainty what I’m doing this Saturday.

Sound crazy?   Yeah.  To me, too.  But something about it made me believe that this lunacy didn’t originate with this one caller.  So I googled it. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, this may be one of the most elaborate conspiracy theories by one of the most narcissistic idiots (Introducing, Steve Lightfoot) I have ever seen.  I am awed by its thoroughness, as I am by the fervor with which this man believes it.  9-11 truthers are amateurs; this guy is the Real Deal.  The guy has a booklet.  I bought it.  There’s too much funny here not to have a copy lying around.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, yeah — the guy endorsed Kucinich.  Who’s he voting for now?  Who else, but the Messiah?